Leadership
is a huge "buzz" word these
days. And why not? With the challenges
facing our world, nationally and
internationally, we need strong leaders in
many facets of life. But that's not all.
In the last ten years, there's been a
tremendous shift in the way we do
business, conduct our relationships and
cultivate our own growth. Taking
responsibility for our thoughts, actions,
and the things we say empowers us to make
better choices and get better results at
work and in our personal lives. There is
much we can do, whether we are in
leadership positions or not, to become
leader-like in our own lives.
Here’s How
1. Uncover your untapped leadership
qualities and pinpoint areas of strength
to build upon.
What are those nonnegotiable qualities
that contribute to who you are, the
blueprint of your personality? These
traits hold the key to your
self-leadership strengths.
Action Plan
Click on the following link for a no
charge assessment to get insights into
your personality.
Click
here: Keirsey Temperament Sorter.
Select those characteristics you would
like to cultivate and come up with a plan.
Awareness is the first step.
2. Identify your true values to
naturally align yourself with your
leadership strengths.
What we value is the key to what turns us
on. Beginning to "name" what is
important to us reveals where our
leadership qualities can best take root.
Action Plan
Our values are rooted in what we are drawn
to of our own free will -- which
differentiates it from needs and "shoulds."
Values come under the categories of:
adventure, beauty, to catalyze, to
contribute, to create, to discover, to
learn, to feel, to lead, mastery,
pleasure, to relate, be sensitive, be
spiritual, to teach, to win -- with many
subcategories under each.
Select one or two values here (or add one
of your own) and consider orienting your
life around it. This is not an overnight
process. Try it on. See what fits.
3. Learn to "manage up"
and become leader-like at work and in your
personal life.
Determine the qualities you can develop
that cause those around you to sit-up and
take notice.
A client, after some coaching, told her
abusive boss that she was reorienting her
schedule to leave by 6pm daily. She also
informed her boss in a neutral tone when
he was yelling at her and that it was not
okay. (Practice this with someone first.)
Another client consistently informed his
supervisor regarding the successful status
of his projects which (1) contributed to
his supervisor's success and (2) made him
extremely visible when promotions were on
the table. (Also let your supervisor know
if there is a big problem. No surprises,
please!)
Action Plan
Consider some steps you can take to
increase your visibility and
assertiveness. Buddy up with someone you
trust and talk about it.
4. Take charge of those messy
emotions, thought patterns and behaviors
that sabotage your best efforts and drain
your energy.
It is often our interpretations of the
events in our lives that drain us, not the
event itself. The positive consequence of
learning to step back and reframe negative
interpretations and seek solutions is
that we feel better and we come across
more powerful, centered, trustworthy,
strong.
Action Plan
Dispute your negative thoughts by this
A B C D plan.
A. Name the Event: ex. My friend has not
returned my calls.
B. Interpretation: ex. I must have done
something wrong. Let me go over all the
things I might have said that pissed her
off.
C. Reactions: ex. I now feel really upset.
If she is pissed about something she
should at least talk to me about it. I'm
going to give it to her when I
finally get her on the phone. (note the
jumping to conclusions and overreaction)
D. Dispute: ex. Wait, she is probably just
really busy and I'm taking it personally.
In fact there is nothing I did wrong and
I've never known her to blow somebody off
anyway. And if there is a problem, I can
find out about it rather than attack. I
feel calmed down now and will strategize
my best approach.
Now pick one of your own.
5. Be an active listener and get
desired results through improved
communication skills.
Truly being listened to is one of life's
rarest treasures. When we stop thinking of
our next response or planning our shopping
list for dinner, we become an active
listener and very attractive. Also,
non-defensive listening is a skill we can
all develop.
Action Plan
Tonight at dinner or tomorrow along
your way give someone the gift of being
listened to. Listen without interrupting,
without planning your response, without
trying to identify. Then when he or she is
done, repeat back the essence of what was
said. Then ask if you got it right. He or
she will feel cared for and very listened
to.
If you are feeling criticized by a
friend, partner, or someone at work and
you want to reply defensively - don't.
Listen to what they have to say fully and
buy time! Tell them you will consider what
they said and get back to them about it.
By listening fully and then diffusing the
situation you will feel more powerful and
in control of the situation.
Becoming a leader in
your own life has some simple steps but
it's not always easy. You can do it if you
really want to. Want help? Contact a
coach.
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